Poop Shoot Out the Kennel Door ... nasty!

Hmmm ... Caesar.  Caesar is this little Shitzu we adopted 7 years ago.  He was 6 weeks old and looked like a Star Wars Ewok, so I caved and we became dog owners.  Caesar has endured two toddlers without biting, two different houses, one trip across the United States in the Expedition with our family, one plane ride, and only had to take puppy prozac one time (hell, even I was taking puppy prozac on that aforementioned journey from Las Vegas to New Hampshire with the whole family). Caesar is a "pure bred" and we allowed him to "father" one litter before we, as the kids would say, "chopped his balls off."  Despite the loss of his manhood, he still makes every attempt to get out the front door to pee everywhere in the neighborhood ... just to let the ladies know he's around.  He's been caught by animal control once.  Fortunately for him he was a first time offendor so there was no fee involved ... if there was, he might still be impounded because he just ticks me off to no end when he runs out the front door and I have to chase his butt.

By little dog standards, Caesar isn't that old.  But, he does have a weight problem, (probably because he sleeps 23 hours a day like a cat) which could mean a cholesterol problem, which might mean he's depressed after bringing home baby #3, which might mean he'll be suicidal when we bring home baby #4.

All this being said, we can depend on a few constants with Caesar.  First, he's lazy, don't ever try to run WITH him because at about mile one he will drop on his belly, flopping all four spread eagle, and refuse to go on no matter how much you scream, yell, and tug at his leash.  He would rather you just choke him with his leash, and you will eventually have to carry him home.  Second, he's part cat.  He sleeps all day in various locales, and seems to be fond of spaces much smaller than his fat body.  He manages to twist, turn, and contort until all of his hearty self fits.  Third, he snores, like a freight train, and will keep you up at night.  And finally, he will always and forever more sleep in his kennel in our rom because if left to his own device at night he will "go" somewhere inappropriate ... in the house.

We were always told, "don't worry, dogs won't pee or poop in their kennels, they just won't do it because then they'd have to sit in their own nastiness."  For 7 years this has held true... until now.  Two weeks ago we went to a memorial day party.  Caesar, because he has no control of himself, was left in his kennel while we were gone ... like we have always done with him since he was a puppy.  Never an issue.  We were gone about 4 hours.  Upon our arrival home a horrible stench filled the air.  As we attempted to locate the epicenter of the stench, my stomache dropped when I realized it was coming from my bedroom ... near Caesar's kennel.  What the hell?

Now, this particular day was day #2 after Jon's ER visit for the gout in his knee.  He was still taking pain killers, (super fun at the party trying to make sure he didn't say something ridiculous) and I was in charge of this familial ship.  As I got to Caesar's kennel, I felt the whole ship sink.  There, outside of his kennel, a good 3-5" away from the metal door of his kennel, a spewing of diarrhea... not a little crap, alot of crap.  Somehow that dog had managed to shimmy his rear to the kennel door and blow his poop all OUTSIDE of his kennel because, after all, he didn't want to sit in his own shame.  Jon was on drugs, this is a puking pregnancy for me, and I had to take a moment to regroup realizing I would have to clean all of this up. 

First, I puked.  Got that out of the way.  Then I gathered supplies, mini carpet cleaner, etc. etc.  THEN, and only then, did I get closer to the kennel to let Caesar outside.  He was curled up towards the back of his kennel (obviously ashamed of his behavior and smelling his own nastiness).  I assessed the kennel situation to make sure when I let him out he would not "travel" with any "residue" left on the kennel.  To my surprise, and admittedly pride, that dog had not gotten one smattering of poop on his kennel ... not on the door, nowhere.  How he managed this, I will never know.  I wish we had a hidden camera on sight, because even the Dog Whisperer would not believe this one.

I set Caesar free to go outside, then cleaned up his nasty mess while Jon stared at me sort of glazed over (high) as he apologized that I was pregnant and had to clean this up.  I puked one more time, managed the mess, and wiped my hands clean (no pun intended) of the mess assuming this was a totally freak incident that would never happen two times in one dog's lifetime.  Until this morning ... I ran the first of 2 carpools this morning only to come home between carpool #1 and #2 to smell a familiar foul stench.  Bradyn went upstairs to let the dog out of his kennel, and came back downstairs saying, "Mom, it's so gross!"  Yes, yes, again, Caesar had blown poop out his kennel door.  However, this time, it was grosser (how it could be grosser, I would never imagine), and he had not shown the same finesse to keep the kennel poop free this time.

Let him out, cleaned his mess, and am now considering taking him to the woods and leaving him there.  Perhaps I could give him to the circus?  Has anyone else ever heard of a dog who shimmies their back side with such accuracy as to shoot poop outside the kennel door?  I didn't think so.