Really Drew, the first day of school?

This is Drew ... about 8 years ago. He was 4 here. So cute. Such a smiler! I have to review old phots often these days ... so I don't kill Drew. Drew is now a teenager, almost 12, anf going on 30. He's ... well, read on ... so yesterday I take Drew to his first day of middle school. Now in Franklin, NH middle school started in the 5th grade, here in Colorado it is normal and starts in the 6th grade. The evening before after football practice he and his teammates looked for their names on the wall with the other kids posting his teacher, where to go to his first class, etc. His name was nowhere to be found. So he was panicked. All I could say to him was, "Drew, you know me, you know that heads will roll first thing in the morning at that middle school. Don't worry." So at the first sign of light Drew and I are out the door and in the middle school parking lot like shoppers waiting for the Kohl's early bird day after Thanksgiving sale. Anyhow, when the doors open we are ready. I march into the office and politely tell them they have their proverbial heads up their behinds and perhaps they should register my son now since I had only been to the Middle School three times over the last 3 months! Interestingly, they cannot find his paperwork ... oh, except the paperwork from the Elementary School he attended for all of three weeks with his teachers recommendation that Drew be in all honors classes. So he obviously EXISTED! We are led in to the guidance counselors office and she is profusely apologetic. I was slow to thaw, but eventual came around to her happy side of the mountain. Drew was nervous initially, but that soon changed. In the seat next to me on the other side of the guidance counselor's desk I see Drew putting both hands behind his head getting all casual. When Drew assumes this pose you always have to wonder, "God, please don't let him embarrass me, please MAKE him keep his mouth shut, even a moment of stunned dumbness would be okay!" God never listens to my pleas where my children are concerned in the embarrassment department. I think it is all about "humbling" me or some other silly thing. Anyhow, like a slow motion movie I see Drew open his mouth I am screaming inside NOOOOOOOO! Suddenly it happens, "So, how's the school lunch here because at the elementary school it was nothing to brag about." I shot him the shut the hell up look, but he didn't take the hint. The guidance counselor fortunately had dealt with his kind before and she chatted away about Dominoes Pizza coming in Monday Wednesday and Friday. Drew responds, "Oh good, because my friend told me the school tried to make their own pizza and not have dominoes come in and the school pizza was a hot mess!" Holy crap. Again, the death stare, which he doesn't seem to even notice or care about. The counselor laughed. Stop laughing silly woman, you are engaging the beast. So, she prattles on about his schedule and teachers and I asked about the gifted and talented program. She told me he would be enrolled and do I recall what specifically he was gifted in? I said a few subjects and she started talking to Drew about teachers. She said the math teacher is great and the science teacher is allot of fun ... and before the woman could finish Drew states, "oh good, I'm glad the science teacher is fun because when I lived in New Hampshire my science teacher, Ms. Norwood, was, well let's just say she had difficulty interacting with her students." Kill me now or let my crawl under a chair. The guidance counselor started to tell Drew he had nothing to worry about and Drew says, "yeah, she was a piece of work, she got all bent out of shape if you were silent reading in her class and it wasn't a science book ..." I finally intervened and cut him off and out loud said, "Drew, time to CLAMP IT!" He looks right at me and says, "what? she was! You know she was!" I responded, "Drew, new state, new school, new teachers. Ms Norwood didn't transfer with you so no worries, okay?" I said this with a bit of an undertone of the death tone. You know, the one where your lips don't move in church as you are telling your kids, "when we get home so help me I am going to lock you in your room and feed you bread and water for three days, STOP touching you brother, NOW!" So, Drew has made an impression already. Heaven help us all.