The Cat Makes 5

Sugar, Doritos, and the Mind of Boys ...

This is our youngest, Bradyn (right). Notice the "message of warning" for all to see? Yes, it does read, "here comes TROUBLE!". Next to him, looking confused and perhaps a little worried is his, "bestest friend always" (according to Bradyn ... AND when he and Tyler are not fighting over who is older, taller, bigger, or smarter), Tyler. He and his brother Griffin are about the same age as Drew and Bradyn and the four of them are inseparable. At our house the boys have a "hut". It is a renovated 2nd floor "storage closet" that is deep and wide. It is the perfect "hut" for kids. We installed carpet, put in a mini couch, Drew installed some Red Sox and Patriots paraphernalia to the walls, and wa-la ... hut. The hut gets vacuumed once a week in an effort to thwart any well meaning rodents or bugs that may have found any food remnants snuck into the "hut". So far, so good, only some minor kid dirt. Until Friday.

I was taught well in the ways of "food storage". I have two LARGE containers for sugar and flour in my pantry. The flour container holds about 12 lbs and the sugar about 7lbs. Yep, they're huge and it IS important to the story that you know of them. Our 4th of July was pretty casual. We had Mike and Candy and Tyler come over to hang for some dinner and sparklers (Griffin was in Maine with Grandparents). As the evening wore on, the adults found themselves on the back patio chatting away. The boys were playing so nice, so quiet ... we were falsely lulled into a sense of security.

Fast forward to Friday (2 days later), hut cleaning day. Drew went inside the hut to clear it out for the vacuum cleaner. Once inside I heard this, "MOM!!!!" Drew emerged from the hut with my 7lb sugar container (that I had recently filled to the brim), with almost half of the sugar "missing". Drew then exclaimed, "Tyler and Bradyn did it!" "Did what?", I asked, knowing it was bad. I peered into the hut to see not one, or two, or even three, but about 6 PILES of sugar on the carpet. As I investigated further, I found that the devastation was not only in the carpet, it was also on the sleeping bags, throw pillows, and seemingly "ground in" to some places on the little sofa. As I was throwing things from the hut out to the open to discover the level of this sugarific disaster I realized EVERYTHING was covered and EVERYTHING had to be cleaned or we would have a REAL bug infestation.

After assessing the damage, I calmly (yes, I actually was calm, I think it is the place you reach as a mom when you are so mad you can't even manage to have ANY emotion, you just lost all affect and go "blank") called Bradyn. The rest of this story is via a 4 and 5 year-olds recollection of events, so bear with me if the details seem sketchy. It would seem that on the evening of the fourth (yes, 2 days prior), Tyler and Bradyn were jonesing for some sugar ... and not the kind that is accompanied by all of the "in the way" stuff as in cookies and candy, they needed a straight shot to the system. Their need for speed left only one option. They managed to sneak the large sugar container up the stairs and into the hut for their "feast". They opened the sugar container and enjoyed handfuls, yes, I said handfuls, of the sweet, delicious white drug. When they had finally settled into a sugar coma of sorts, one of them (or both) "spilled" (um, looked to me like DUMPED) the sugar in the hut. Bradyn broke free from his coma for a moment of, "holy crap, my mom is going to kill me so we better put the sugar BACK into the container". However, he apparently lulled back into the coma when after discussing this clean up option with Tyler, followed Tyler's sage wisdom. "No, we'll get in trouble! Let's HIDE IT!" So, how do you hide 3 lbs of sugar? Well, first you try to grind it into the carpet. When the piles still remain, madness (or the sugar coma) kicks in and you throw anything you can find ONTO the piles. Then you jump on what you threw onto the sugar piles to make sure it is all covered (oh, and also leaves a nice dark place for bugs to discover their private sugar shame and take up residence!) up so Mom can't find it. Of course, after you have THAT much sugar ... you need something salty, right?
After an hour plus of cussing and cleaning the "hut", I took my cleaning efforts to the guest room for a quick vacuuming. Behind the angled headboard of the guest bed (where there is a little "nook" if you will), I spied something orange. Upon further investigation, I realized that salty follows sugary. The boys public shame stood before me ... a large EMPTY bag of family size Doritos (extra cheesy, of course), 1 half filled breakfast bowl of Doritos, and one glass half filled with Doritos. The rest were on the carpet and looked like they had experienced the most painful Dorito death ... smashing by to sugar coma induced preschoolers with bare footed Fred Flintstone shaped feet. Okay, so hour 2 passes by, the Doritos are cleaned up, I still have to steam clean the carpet of the "orange twinge".

For the two hours I was cleaning, I was planning ... planning a punishment so bad, so creative, that NEITHER boy would forget it. I had alot of time to think. After all was cleaned, I called my friend and told her about our boys "adventures". She was mortified, embarrassed, and also mad as hell. I informed her my "plan" was to have the little juvenile delinquents do some weeding in the yard for an hour. Sort of the you took my time today, now I take yours while you do something I needed to get done logic. My friend agreed my plan was evil and perfect. In the interim of she and her husband questioning their juvenile delinquent about his escapades with his fellow juvenile delinquent best friend, I found out that Drew DID know about the Doritos and chose to say NOTHING for 2 days. When Tyler and his Mom arrived, I informed Drew that since he KNEW, said NOTHING, he would now be supervising the weeding adventures and if it wasn't done right, he would be finishing the job!

Yeah, that was like leaving the craziest inmate in charge of the asylum at the prison. The short version is that I spent about 30 minutes out there hollering to get the boys moving and Drew motivated to stop tattling on them. After my 4th trip outside to "regulate", I informed Drew he had to "take care of it". I went inside, and approximately 30 seconds later I hear a blood curdling scream from one of the small boys. I ran outside to see both boys soaked, and Drew holding the garden hose. I looked at him and he matter of factly stated, "I told them if they didn't work, they'd get sprayed, they didn't work, they got sprayed." At this point, the small boys figured this was a great new game (who can tell the mind of a criminal?) and the started running all over the backyard DARING Drew to hose them again. The madness, it never ends.

I called them all inside, set their butts in various corners of the house, told them to stare at the walls, and say NOTHING. They sat for about 10 minutes, then Tyler went home. However, I don't feel to horrible that my masterminded punishment was a bust ... the next day at the neighbors (Tyler's parents) annual pool party, the two small boys were NOT allowed to swim and had to tell people, when asked, WHY they were banned from the pool for the day. Lucky little critters, it rained for most of the party! More later... it is only a question of "when" with these two, never "if". Yes, I am laughing now, but I think it is because insanity has kicked in.